words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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