So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
