i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
