So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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