in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
