I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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