She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
