a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
