Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
