I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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