Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
