Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
