So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
