Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
