Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
