I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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