Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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