ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
