I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
