TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
