"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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