I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
