Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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