why im i the only drunk person in the library?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
