I met the friendliest cop last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I deserve this hangover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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