wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
