my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
