He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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