Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
