i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
