I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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