My first STD was from a foam party
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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