just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
