3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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