and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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