I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
