Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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