May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Two words: blizzard sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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