I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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