he shaved USA in his pubs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
