Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
