Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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