I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
