im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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