she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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