This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
