Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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