i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
