Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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