if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
