Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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