Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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