i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
