I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
