So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
