Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
