Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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