i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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