So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
