the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
