it was like his penis was on wheels.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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