I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
