I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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