If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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