My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
