Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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