You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
