I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
