Having a random hookup so left but love u
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
