I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
