goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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