So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
honey bunches of taint.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
