just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
