Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
