I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize