Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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